My Joyless
by Staying Strong13
Summary: Joy's life is going down hill. It has been going down hill for a while. Joy committed suicide but what led her to it. How did she get this way? RATED T for Teens. Warning of Suicide, self- harm, mature themes, fights, mature language, bullying.
1. Chapter 1

I slammed the bedroom door loudly and slid down the frame. It felt as if everything was crumbling down around me and I felt so lost. I felt like I was choking and my heart had been shattered. I clawed at my chest where I could feel a gaping pain. Sobs racked my body and I looked around the room helplessly. I wanted the pain to be gone. It was all too much, how could one live like this day after day? Just waking up each morning wanting to die. Brushing my hair out of my face I stood up. I knew what had to be done. It was the only solution for my happiness and for those around me. The only thing that could make the pain stop. I slowly made my way to my bed side table. I pulled open the drawer and grabbed the bottle of medication. Shaking I unscrewed the cap and poured a hand full out. My heart was pounding like a hammer against cloth cover wall. I opened my mouth and shoved all the pills in. I choked as I swallow them all dry, tilting my head back and forcing them to all go down my throat. I glanced around waiting why wasn't I dead yet? I sat down on my bed and pulled out my blade from its hiding place under the mattress. I pulled it to my right wrist and swiped it once on; a straight slice across. I hissed in pain as the blood dotted to the top. "Hospital." I murmured. That isn't what I needed I didn't need to be woken up in a bright room with white walls and white bed sheets. Not like last time, I swiped the razor down my wrist going up towards my elbow. "Morgue." I muttered as my world began to haze. I pulled up my other wrist and mimicked both of the previous cuts. Blood was pooling from both wrists. Had I hit a vein, or were the pills taking there effect? I stood up quickly and dropped to the ground, the pills spilling out and the bloody razor spiraled down to the hard wooden floor. My vision was beginning to haze over and everything was going fuzzy. My life literally began flashing before my eyes. I remembered when I was younger and my older brother Joe, my parents, and I all went to the beach and Joe pushed me in the water and I nearly drowned. I remembered Joe and me building castles in the sand at our park. I could see the day Patricia and I had met. Me being ten and her just turning eleven, I had just arrived to Anubis. The memory of having my first kiss with Jake Bedyingfeild and my last kiss with Jerome Clarke. Visions of the last few months danced around in my head and I closed my eyes inn pain. Was dying supposed to be hurting this much? I thought I was trying escaping all of the pain. I let out a whimpered and tried to get up. My limbs were numb and I couldn't move. I let out a last gasp of pain before my vision went all dark. How did things get this way?

**3 Months earlier**

"Mercer, come over here!" I turned and saw Nicola Lawrence along with her clique of Jessamy Bradley, Iris Watts, and Rosie List. I turned the other way and tried to quicken my pace, come on Joy you just have to make it down the hall to History. A hand gripped my shoulder and halted me to a stop. "Mercer, if I tell you to do something you do it!" Nicola spat. Jessamy looked me up and down. "Mercer you're looking uglier than usual." Rosie nodded and smirked. "Have you gained weight or something?" Iris snickered and grabbed Rosie's shoulder. "That's probably why Rutter chose Martin over her." I looked down at my feet. They had been right I had gained three pounds but I didn't think it to be noticeable. Obviously I was mistaken. I shrugged Nicola's hand off of me and turned the other way. "Whoa slut we're we done talking to you?" Nicola yelled. I turned around and shook my head no and avoided her stare. "Hey look at Nicola when she talks, don't be a bitch." Iris snapped. "She is worse than a bitch." Jessamy commented shoving me into the lockers. Nicola laughed "Joy you are a Lonely fat worthless pathetic bitch." my stomach dropped and my eyes began to water. "Aww the babe is going to cry!" Rosie laughed getting up in my face. I pushed her away and bolted down the hallway at full running speed until I got to the toilets. Tear were freely streaming down my face. Nicola and her clique had been doing this to me since the start of this term, and no one did a thing about it. I dropped down into a crouching position and let the tears fall. Their words ran through my head going through one ear and not reaching the other but staying permanently in my brain, echoing. I stood up grasping my head. Why wouldn't their voices go away? I hit the wall and let out a desperate groan.

The bell signaling the end of school had just rung threw out the building and I was racing down the hallway. I had made Nicola and her clique mad and there was no way I was seeing what the aftermath was. "Who you running from Mercer?" I heard Rosie call out. I quickened my speed and pushed my way out the door. "Better run faster Mercer." Joanie Smith yelled from the front steps as I ran down them. "She better." Nicola laughed I glanced behind me to see Jessamy and Iris right on my tail. I stopped pacing and hauled butt all the way to Anubis not stopping or looking back. I ran up the steps burst through the house door and slammed the door shut. I threw my stuff down and hunched over trying to catch my breath. "Joyful you okay there?" Jerome asked. I looked up and nodded. My phone beeped and I quickly pulled it out of my purse. I swiped the screen and typed in my password 1-9-7-5. A text message popped up it was from Iris. "Hey bitch better watch your back." I quickly turned my phone off and threw it down at my purse. "What happened?" I looked up relishing Jerome was still in the room. "Nothing. I think I'm just going to head upstairs." Jerome nodded and watched me as I walked up the steps. For the rest of the week Nicola and her group had actually ignored me. I didn't know why but I didn't feel as I should question it. Who would question it? I soon found out why they had the sudden urge to ignore me.  
I walked into school later then my usual on Wednesday morning looking like a mess. I'd only found the time to brush my hair and put on some concealer and mascara. I rushed to my locker and pulled it open only to find a note. It fluttered to the ground and landed as silent as a feather. I put all of my stuff into my locker and bent down to get it. I unfolded the small piece of yellow paper. Written in a line of thick sharpie was the word Fat. A big hand came from behind me and grabbed the paper. "Let me guess? Nicola and her groupies?" I turned around only to meet the bright green eyes of Marcus Baiter. I nodded "Probably." Marcus shook his head. "Why don't you do anything about them?" He asked I was barely able to pay attention to understand what he was saying. I mean Marcus Baiter was talking to me! He was honestly the cutest guy in school. He stood muscular at Six foot four, with piercing green eyes and soft blonde hair. "Ew why are you talking to her Marcus?" Nicola's voice bellowed from behind me. I turned quickly and moved more towards Marcus. "Nicola go away. Joy doesn't deserve your crap. Go you're not wanted." Marcus rolled his eyes and motioned the girl and her clique down the hall. "I can't believe you'd stand up for that." Rosie said with disgust lingering from her mouth. All the girls scurried off down the hallway quickly. "Joy don't listen to them they are just snobs with way to big egos. Joy I was wondering would you like to go out on Friday?" I smiled big and nodded. Marcus pulled me into a hug. "Good now just give me your number and I can text you the details." I nodded and pulled out a sheet of paper and wrote down the digits. "Okay Joy I will see you later." I nodded to excite to speak. I know it was early to assume anything but with Marcus my life would probably be better!


	2. Chapter 2

I sat on my bed working on my algebra and listening to Lorde's new album. My phone beeped and I picked it up quickly I had no doubt in my mind that it was Marcus. I pulled up my messages and smiled seeing Marcus's name. "Hey Beautiful ;)" I gave a triumphed yes and clapped my hands together nearly dropping my phone in the process. "Hey ;)" I replied back. "So I've decided that we should do dinner off campus tomorrow. At about eight o'clock I will pick you up at Anubis." I felt my heart swell up I Joy Mercer was going on a date with Marcus Baiter, I couldn't even believe it. "Oh my god what will I wear?" I questioned aloud. I texted a confirmation to Marcus but then sent out a message to Amber. Amber came rushing in to my room in no time. "Okay what's the fashion emergency?" Amber asked. I stood up and announced. "Marcus Baiter asked me out on a date for tomorrow." I jumped up and down waiting for her reaction. She frowned "Joy Marcus is a jerk!" I was infuriated did she not know that Marcus stood up for me. "No he isn't he stood up for me today!" I yelled in defense. Amber nodded and gave a small smile. "Well congrats. What are you doing for the date?"  
"Marcus says we are eating dinner off campus." Amber moved towards my closet and pulled out two outfits. "Here one is dressy the other casual." I nodded and Amber left but didn't leave without saying "Be careful." I rolled my eyes at the gesture but inside I had felt hurt. If it was any other Anubis girl then Amber would be all over and offer help with hair and make-up but not me. I sighed and dropped down to the bed.  
The next day after school I ran out of the building and not because I was being chased, but because of my excitement. I had three hours until our date. I hurried upstairs ignoring the rest of my housemate's looks of confusion. I ran into my room and dropped all my belongings and instantly got in the shower. Followed by the shower I straightened my hair and applied a natural eye shadow with more dramatic eyeliner. I dressed in Amber's casual choice of a turquoise dress, black tights, and a scarf. I was ready by seven thirty even though Marcus had said he'd be here at eight. When the doorbell rang I ran down the steps and shoved Alfie out of the way. I took a deep breath and then pulled the door open. "Oh hey Marcus." I smiled. I stepped outside and pulled the door closed. "Hey Joy you look very lovely tonight." I blushed but thanked him. "Hope you don't mind I just thought it be more fun to walk then call a cab." I nodded and took Marcus's offered hand. We set off in the dark walking off campus and into downtown. Downtown was fancy, it looked vintage but it was defiantly perfect for a date. "Well Joy I guess you're wondering where we are dining so close your eyes. And when I say open I want you to open." Hand in hand Marcus guided me down the street. "Okay open." I opened my eyes and grinned when I'd seen the place, it was Madam Prince's tea garden. Welcome Mr. Baiter, Mrs. Mercer. I'm your server tonight now let's take you to your seat." A skinny blonde haired lady spoke. We followed and were sat straight in the middle of the garden. Flowers and trees and even a stream surrounded us. "Okay My name is Zoe. I will be serving you tonight. Can I start you off with any drinks?" Marcus smiled and nodded.  
"I'd like a Coke." Zoe nodded and then looked over at me.  
"And you?" "  
"I'd like your sweet tea." Zoe nodded and set off towards the kitchen. I looked around the garden it was lit up by Christmas lights and perfect for a date.  
"Joy I really hope you enjoyed tonight as much as I did." Marcus stated I nodded and smiled wide. "I really enjoyed it. Thanks Marcus." Marcus smiled to and leaned over giving me a soft kiss on the lips. I turned and waved and walked through the front door of Anubis. I touched my lips and I wished that his were still on mine.

The next week passed by quickly. Life seemed to be going great. With Marcus by my side Nicola refused to mess with me, and Marcus had already asked me out for tonight. I was ready in of course another Amber styled outfit. A simple long sleeve white dress paired with a maroon scarf. Marcus picked me up and we headed over to the movies. A new Rom Com had just came out and needless to say Marcus jumped at the chance of taking me. I remember when Patricia and I used to have Rom-Com marathons. Of course that all stopped when she ditched me for Nina. I shook out the idea because I didn't need to be sad about her. Not when I had Marcus. "Do you want popcorn or anything?" Marcus asked after buying our tickets. I shook my head no and we headed down to the last theatre. For being a new movie the theatre was pretty empty. Marcus walked us up to the top row and sat down. I sat next to him and the movie had begun. Halfway through the movie Marcus placed his hand on my thigh. He slowly reached up my leg and reached under my dress. Marcus felt his way around. I was in too much shock to register what was happening. Finally it connected and I jumped up pulling his hand out from under my dress. "What the hell!" I yelled before running down the theatre steps. I couldn't believe he would do that. I walked home in the dark alone. When I got home I felt traumatized. Marcus had fingered me without my consent. Who all would he tell? I slammed the door shut and I banged my head on the door and sighed heavily. I turned around and gave a surprised yelp when I was eye to eye with Jerome. Or head to chest in our case. "Joyful what's wrong?" My hearts panicked race began to slow down finely and I shook my head. "Come on Joy you look as if you're going to cry, what is wrong?" I took the steps to at a time all I wanted was to get to my room. "Nothing happened." I raced in to my bedroom and sat down on the bed. Tears brimmed my eyes and I sniffled and brushed them away. "Joy are you crying?" Mara asked sleepily from her bed.  
"No allergies is all sorry for waking you."  
How had Marcus changed so fast from a guy who would stand up for me and take me out to a tea garden to a guy who fingers me in a movie theater?

Monday morning came around and when I walked in the school building all eyes were on me. What had I done? I walked to my locker and was met by Nicola and her clique. "Mercer, Mercer or should I say Good Morning slut." Nicola laughed I gave her a questioning look. "Yes Mercer we know you jumped upon Marcus last night." Nicola looked at her clique who all at once stepped forward. "Horny little girl." Iris giggled.  
"Really Joy you fucked him in a theater?" Rosie choked on laughter.  
"Little girl can't keep her legs crossed can she?" Asked Jessamy pushing me back into the locker. I grabbed the back of my head as it throbbed in pain. "Bet you gave him a STD. Because lord knows how many guys you've been with." A crowd of students began to crowd around me and the school clique. "Mercer you are just a little skank." Rosie said pushing me down to the ground. Nicola and her groupies left me on the hallway floor with a majority of the school all staring at me. "Slut!" One guy from the back called out.  
"Whore!" A girl yelled. People in the front began to throw paper at me.  
"Skank!" Words were thrown throughout the crowd. I glanced down and saw an image on the paper I unrolled it and looked at it. It was a photo from last night. It was from when I was pulling Marcus's hand out from under my dress. Though from the view of the photo it was easily mistaken as me pulling Marcus's hand under my dress. I crumpled the photo up and stood up. I ran to the girl's bathroom where I hid in my stall.

A/U

I'd really like to thank KKTheFemaleBoss for following! Means a lot please keep reading.

To those who also are reading and just not making their presence known feel free to do that ;)

Also please Review and share your opinions please no hate this story is very dear to my heart as I and my friends have combined our stories and can relate to this!

Love, Brit


	3. Chapter 3

After what had happened on Monday I didn't go to school on Tuesday. My day was spent acting sick, and crying over the fact that I was now known as the school slut. I'd finally dragged myself out of bed later that night and got in the shower. I turned the water to scalding hot and let it burn my skin. I leaned my head back and let the water hit my hair. The hot water mixed with my tears and covered the noises of my sobs and I felt at peace. I slid down the shower wall and sat down on the cold tile. I wasn't a slut nor a whore, or even a skank. Marcus was the one who had tried to take advantage of me. I looked up and my eye caught a shine of silver. I reached over towards it. It was my razor blade. I looked down at the beautiful sharp edges. I grabbed the razor and dug it into my arm. One slice. Blood beaded at the top and refused to bleed over. I pulled the razor to my skin and retched it back and forth. I lifted the razor. Slice two. The blood boiled up and fell out of the wound streaming down my arm. Slice three. Slice Four. I cut open my arm over and over. Blood poured out. I slid my arm under the running water and hissed when the hot water beat down on my arm. I'd cut all the pain away or so it had felt that way until I'd stepped out of the shower. All the pain came hurdling back at me when I took one glance in the mirror. My body was racked with a new set of sobs. I clutched my arm to my side and stepped out into the hall and ran to my room. I shut the door and locked it behind me. I tossed on some shorts and a long sleeve shirt.  
Wednesday Morning and there was no way of fooling Trudy after she had found out what had happened. With any of the other girls she would've let them stay home a week and baked cookies but with me I was sent straight back to hell, I mean school sorry, without even a word of comfort. I dressed in my white button up and maroon blazer and slipped on my skirt. I made my way down to the breakfast table to see that the whole house was already seated. "Hey Joyful." Jerome said quietly as I sat down. No one else spoke we just all shared weird stares. I couldn't hold it in any longer. "What do all of you think I'm a slut now too?" I asked fed up with all the gossip. All the girls shared and glance and the guys looked down. "Well Joy you had sex with Marcus Baiter in a theatre!" Amber shouted.  
Fabian shared a shocked look with Jerome. "Really? Do I not even get a chance to explain?" I shouted. "Yes Joy please explain how you didn't" Mara marked the didn't with quotation marks "Have sex with Marcus in public. I mean really Joy there is a photo and all." Mara argued. "Joy you aren't the only one paying for this! This whole house is getting crap too." Patricia explained more calmly. I stood up pushing my chair back. I collected my things and I headed off to school early. "Joyful! Joy! Joy stop!" A voice called. I stopped and turned around it was Jerome. "What are you just going to yell at me and call me a slut too?" I asked. Jerome stopped and ran his hands threw his hair. "No I was just going to say I know you didn't have sex with Marcus. Doesn't seem like you." I looked down at the ground suddenly interested in my feet. "Thank you Jerome." He nodded and we walked to school together in silence. Jerome and I separated at his locker and I walked down the hall alone. I found my locker easily this morning considering that written on my locker with sharpie was slut. S L U T.  
I opened my locker and pulled out an old bottle of hand sanitizer and found some tissues in my purse. I scrubbed over the writing but it only faded. "Wow this school really goes all out." I turned around to see Marcus looking over my shoulder at the writing. "Get the hell away from me." I whispered barely audible.  
"Look Joy I'm sorry I pushed it too far at the theatre. I don't know who took the photo." I rolled my eyes. "Yea I mean don't bother trying to tell everyone the truth."  
"Joy I tried no one believes me though because Nicola insist that it's true." He explained  
"Look I'd really like to try to fix this. Please meet me Friday at The Brinkman coffee shop." I leaned against the locker. "I don't think that us hanging out or going on a date will fix anything. Only make it worse probably."  
"Joy just do it please." I saw the pleading look in his eye and nodded.  
"Fine."

I left second period two minutes early to go to the restroom when I saw that the pictures of me and Marcus were all over the school. Covering lockers, school walls, and even just filtered out along the floor. I ran down the hallway ripping them down from the walls but it was too late the bell rang and the rest of the school had seen it. They'd seen me frantically running trying to pull down the photo and they laughed. Anubis house stepped forward and just gave me a shameful look. "Joy seriously!" Mara yelled. Jerome stepped forward and pulled me into a hug and whispered into my ear. "Go home." I nodded and turned running out the school door. As I ran papers from the floor flew up behind me. "Slow down Slut!" Jake Morris yelled at me as I accidently shoved him away. Papers were thrown at me as I ran out the front door but I could care less. I was to fixed and caught up in my head. I busted through the front door of Anubis and ignored the fact that Trudy was calling me. I opened the bathroom door and threw myself onto the floor and locked the door behind me. I pulled open the shower curtain and gripped my razor. Instantly my sleeves were up and I was carving pretty picture into my arms.  
I avoided school for the rest of the week. Even when Trudy had ordered me up I avoided it. Finally Trudy gave up on Friday morning and served my breakfast to me in bed. I was in no way going to school until this was all fixed. Just like Marcus had promised me.

A/U  
Please Review.  
I don't own HOA  
I will upload tomorrow probably.


	4. Chapter 4

I pulled on my black tights with tan high waisted shorts and a navy blue sweater. My hair was tossed into messed up bun and I slipped on some black converse and I snuck out the back door. I caught a cab and paid him a couple pounds and he drove me down to Brinkman's Coffee shop. I got out of the cab I was a couple minutes early. Marcus was nowhere in sight and the thoughts of being stood up already were prancing around in my mind. "Hey Joy!" I turned around to see Marcus standing over by the Brinkman's Alley. I walked over "Hey Marcus I thought you said to meet over at the coffee shop?" I asked I looked behind him where his truck was. Marcus pulled me over and pushed me to the ground. I heard the sound of a truck door opening. I looked up and saw Marcus with his phone out and pointed at me. "Go Rosie you get first hit." I heard. I looked up to see Nicola, Iris, Jessamy, and Rosie. I scrambled to get up but before I'd known it I was back on the ground. Rosie straddled over me punching me in the face over and over. I felt a pop in my ear and a throbbing in my eye. I was pulled up and pushed into Jessamy's arms. She gripped my arms and held me pinned against the brick wall. She kicked me over and over and slapped me countless of times. I was thrown girl to girl being beaten harder and harder each time every punch thrown with a meaning. I felt my world began to fuzz and I couldn't hear much anymore. I crumbled down on to the floor. My eyesight was blurring and I could see all of the girls standing above me. Nicola reached out a hand and helped me up. "Come on we are going to take you home." I took her hand and followed them as the pushed me into the truck. The whole ride home was a blur. When Marcus pulled up to Anubis house Jessamy got out and opened the door she helped me out and walked me up to the door and pushed me down in front of the door. On the way down I hit my head on the door. In my blurred vision I saw the outline of Jessamy run across the yard. Marcus honked his horn trying to get my houses attention but then drove off. I don't know how long I was on the porch until someone came out but I know it couldn't have been too long. As soon as the door was opened there was a high pitched scream. I remember a lot of talking and a lot of pain I remember getting into another car. I remember telling the doctors I wanted to stay in my clothing and not the hospital gown. I remember everything.  
When I woke up the first person I saw was Jerome. He was the first and only person I saw my first day in the hospital. Trudy showed up the second. But no one else came.  
"Joy your Dad should be here soon he had to fly back from a business meeting." Trudy explained. I nodded "We can know your diagnosis once he gets here too." Jerome muttered. Daddy showed up half way through my third day at the hospital. "Mr. Mercer?" Dr. James asked reaching his hand out towards my father. "Yes I am He." Dr. James shook his hand and pulled off my clipboard from my door. "Mr. Mercer I am afraid to say that the diagnosis on your daughter is quite a lot. She has a concussion, a fracture wrist, ruptured eardrum, and could possibly loose eye sight in her left ear. I'm sorry to say this but some of her injuries might be long term. Once her eardrum ruptured it would've healed maybe but more pressure on it might cause her hearing loss just like her left eye. Her wrist should heal normal and her concussion should be fine she just needs to be well rested and needs all the medicine I have prescribed." My dad nodded and handed over the list to Trudy. "Trudy I beg you please get all the medicine and Joy I will come back tomorrow to bring you home." I smiled and asked. "I get to go home?" My dad turned around and frowned.  
"No I'm sorry Joyful; I have another meeting out of town. I only have enough time to bring you back to Anubis and have a talk with your principle." My smile faded and I nodded. My dad waved me a goodbye and I waved back with my purple cast. "Joyful do you want anything?" Jerome asked from where he sat. I shook my head no. "So what happened that night?" He asked I looked down at my hands. I shook my head. "Nothing important."  
"Nothing important? Joy you were beat up how is it not important?" I shook my head.  
"I'm not important." I murmured under my breath. "Why are you here?" I asked  
"I thought you would want someone here with you." He said defensively.  
"You don't hate me or think I'm a slut? You don't want to beat me till I'm almost dead?" I asked tears forming in my eyes. Jerome brushed a piece of stray hair behind my ear and shook his head. "Joy I know none if that is true." I turned and looked away and tried to stop the falling tear drops.


	5. Chapter 5

My dad was driving slower than ever on our ride back to Anubis house. We'd been completely silent for the last twenty minutes since we'd left the hospital. I had tried but he hadn't said a word. I looked out the window and watched the trees pass by I sighed and leaned my head against the window. My breath got stuck in my lungs and I nearly choked when I saw the Brinkman alley. My mind filled with pictures of Marcus pushing me, Jessamy punching me, Nicola kicking me, Iris pounding my face against the brick wall, and Rosie slapping me full force. I leaned back in my seat and tore my eyes from the window. It hadn't been long until we pulled up to Anubis house. "Joy please go on in, I'm going to talk to Mr. Sweet I will be back in a little to say goodbye." I nodded and hopped out of the seat. I walked up to Anubis house worrying. What would everyone say? Would they be glad the slut learned her lesson? Would they want a go at me too? I slowly pushed open the door and stepped in shutting it silently. I turned around expecting the house to be in the living room like usual, but they weren't. I walked over to the kitchen where I knew Trudy would be. Not to my surprise she and Jerome sat there at the counter. "Dearie how are you feeling?" Trudy asked I gave her small thumbs up. I very slowly made my way to the counter and leaned my sore body against it. "Sore?" asked Jerome I nodded.  
"Where is everyone?" I asked looking around.  
Jerome sighed and looked at Trudy. "Well they all went to go hang out down town." I looked down and just said "Oh." The house had been given Monday off of school because I was coming home. I don't think anyone imagined that they'd use it to go down town though. Jerome nodded. "Well if it helps Patricia didn't go she is upstairs, and Nina and Fabian were hesitant on going." Trudy said in our housemate's defense. Jerome snorted and shook his head walking away.  
"Its fine that they went I mean they did have a day off school. "I gave a small grin that probably looked more like a grimace. Jerome got up and gave me a gentle pat on the back. "Well I'm glad you're back joyful." I nodded thanks and watched as he walked off to the living room. "Your important to him you know that right?" Asked Trudy. I looked over to her with a questionable look. "Well yeah he is my best friend." I said confused. Trudy just gave a small smile and nodded.

I woke up the next morning feeling as I'd been hit by a truck; I stifled a scream as my fractured wrist slammed into my night stand while searching for the alarm clock. "Joy are you coming to school today?" I looked up at Patricia and nodded lightly. I didn't want to go to school though. I didn't want to face any of the people there especially Nicola and her group of snobs and Marcus. I sighed and pulled myself out of my comforting bed. I looked in the mirror across the room and looked at the damage my enemies had caused. I ran my finger along the bruise that formed around my nearly blind eye. My finger traced the patch of scabs from the concrete. I dressed slowly in my uniform and brushed my lifeless hair. I looked at my makeup and then at my painful face. I probably shouldn't even try. I grabbed my purse and walked down to breakfast. As soon as I entered Ambers face filled with horror. "They got you good." She said as if it we're something to be proud of.  
"Amber don't say it like that!" Martin whispered hitting Millington's arm.  
"Well they did look at her face!" Amber exclaimed. I looked at the seat I was about to take and thought otherwise. "I bet all of you wish you could've done it to me." I muttered  
"Joy what are you talking about?" Patricia questioned.  
"Well I did shame Anubis didn't I?" I asked furious as the memories of my house blaming me filled my head. "Joy trying to make us Pity you won't make you feel better!" Mara yelled and quickly covered her mouth. The house all exchanged glances. "Joy I didn't mean it I'm sorry."  
"No. It's fine." I turned and ran out the front door. I dug through my bag looking for my blade. I needed my blade. I ran towards the forest and dumped out the contents of my purse. I picked up my blade and pulled the bottom of my skirt up to my waist. I swiped the blade up and down my thigh and watched the bright red liquid fill and spill over. I cried and leaned my head back. Why did I have to be the one to go through this? What did I do wrong? I heard the school bell ring in the distance and I sighed and pulled out some tissues from my bag. I dabbed at the cuts and fought to clean up the blood. I tossed the blade into my purse and shoved in the tissues. When I walked into first period all eyes were on me. Some had a look of horror while others held a look of humor. I didn't see what was so funny about the situation though. Home room was dragging on ever so slowly. I tapped my finger against the table and gave Jerome a confused look when he yanked the pencil away. He leaned down and whispered. "It's louder then you realize." I guess that was his way of saying my one deaf ear couldn't pick up the amount of noise I was causing. I blushed and looked down at the table. I watched as the minute hand and hour hand meat and I waited for the bell. Though it didn't come. The sound of the intercom filled threw the school. This year's holiday dance will be held next Friday in the gym. All tickets will be sold in the B hall for the rest of this week. Hurry and get your tickets now." I sighed and laid my head on the table. The girls all chattered with excitement and the boys exchanged nervous glances. The bell rang and I slowly got up from my seat. I walked out alone and made my way to my second class. I turned the corner and saw Nicola and Jessamy talking and panic surged through my body. I stopped where I was and began shaking I turned around looking for a way out but the already saw me. Nicola stopped talking and gave me a small victorious smile. "Joy come on." Jerome said pulling me a side and rushing me past Nicola. "It was them wasn't it?" I just nodded.

The front door busted open and all the Anubis girl's walked in with dresses covered with bags. "You all already went dress shopping?" I asked from my spot in the living room. They all shared a look and Mara nodded. "We didn't think you were going to the dance sorry if you wanted to come." Amber sighed. The dance was literally in two days and I didn't have a date or a dress. Jerome walked into the room as all the girls charged up the steps. "Oh did you all go dress shopping?" I looked down at my lap and shook my head.  
"Well they went." Jerome nodded and sat down next you me.  
"I might as well not go dress shopping. I don't even have a date." I sighed and leaned back into the couch cushions. "Come on Joyful I'm taking you dress shopping." I looked up at Jerome and shook my head. "Its fine Jerome I'm not going." Jerome shook his head and pulled me up off the couch gently. "Come on." I sighed and pulled on my sneakers that were lying in front of me. Jerome walked off and returned with a jacket. He threw it at me and I put it on.  
Jerome took me to the most well-known shops in town. Madeline's I honestly felt like I was going to be sick when I saw how many different dresses there were. "Hey Loves, I'm Liv I'm here to help you now what is your name young lady?" I looked over at Jerome before quietly speaking. "Joy." She smiled.  
"Now Joy what are you looking for?" I shrugged  
"Well we have a variety of dresses in stock." She gestured to the right side of the store. "We are divided over here we have special sizes. Plus towards front petite towards back. Without measurements and just looking I'd say size four or six short." I nodded and followed to wear she had pointed. "So my little Joyful what are we thinking?" I shrugged and walked around just glancing everything over. "Nothing." I commented Jerome sighed  
"Joy you have to try or you won't find anything."  
"I just don't see the point." I leaned into Jerome's shoulder.  
"There is a point trust me." Jerome grabbed my hand and led me up and down the isle of dresses. "This is it." I looked up at Jerome and at the dress he was holding up at me. Red, strapless, midthigh, sweetheart cut and tulle peeking out from the bottom. "Jerome it's sleeveless." I said. Jerome shrugged.  
"And?" He asked I just shook my head.  
"I um just have a lot of gross bruises and cuts from the pavement." I lied.  
"Joyful it doesn't matter no one will care." I sighed and grabbed the dress. "Try it on." Jerome pushed me to the curtain covered room. I sighed and pulled off all my clothes and slid the dress on. I traced the pink lines on my wrists they were close to being gone. Scabbed over and scaring. I crossed my arms hiding my hands and stepped out. I blushed as Jerome smiled and began to stutter, "Beautiful." I smiled and walked to the mirror. I smiled as I noticed Jerome moving closer. "So you have a dress and a date I guess you're going aren't you?" Jerome muttered. I furrowed my eye brows "I don't have a date?" Jerome chuckled.  
"Joy I'd really love it if you'd go with me." I was shocked needless to say  
"As your date?" I asked. Jerome nodded and leaned down and gave me a gentle kiss. Who's unlike Marcus's wasn't fierce and forceful but pleasant and lovely.


	6. Chapter 6

Nicola sneered and slithered forward with all of her groupies behind her. "Joy you are a pathetic reason for a human being. Stop wasting everyone's time and kill yourself." I backed up but she kept moving forward. "Stop." I whimpered. Jessamy laughed and shouted  
"look at her she's so pathetic and whinny let's just off her right now." Everyone's voices choking with fits of laughter. "As long as I get first hit." Iris stepped forward. The scene played out slowly as each girl began to yell insults and throw punches. "Stop!" I screamed but the kept going at it. "Stop!" I yelled.  
"Joy!" I looked around for the voice that called my name. "Joyful come on wake up." I snapped my eyes open to see Jerome standing over me. My breathing was paced and my lungs felt like they were collapsing. "Joy, Joy calm down." Jerome soothed smoothing my hair down and rubbing my shoulder. "Trudy I think she is having an anxiety attack." Mara spoke up from the side. I looked side to side too see Anubis house standing around the room. I began to shake harder. What would they think of me? Would they think I was trying to get more pity? "Everyone out except Patricia and Trudy." Jerome ordered. My house mates stood still and stared at me. "Move!" Jerome yelled. Everyone exchanged shocked looks and scurried out of the room. "Patricia you used to get anxiety attacks a lot, what would you do?" Jerome questioned. Patricia crossed her arms and looked up at Trudy. "I usually had to have someone calm me down and Trudy would get me tea." I clawed at my chest. I don't think this was an anxiety attack it felt more of a heart attack. "I will go make a pot of Herbal calming green tea." Trudy said running timidly out. "Joy it was only a night terror we are right here in your room safe and I won't let anyone hurt you." I nodded and sat up still hyperventilating. I pulled my knees to my chest and began to sob. "Joy are you okay?" Jerome asked panicky. Patricia grabbed Jerome's shoulder "It's going away." Jerome looked bewildered.  
"How'd you know?"  
"She's showing emotion so she's coming out of shock." Patricia said sitting down on the corner of my bed. "Here loves I got some tea." Trudy said entering the room with a cup of tea. "Just the way you like it Joy I mixed it with Jasmine and gave a pinch of sugar." I looked up and shaking took the fragile looking cup. Did I look like that cup? Did I look that fragile and breakable? "Trudy Mara and I can go sleep in Vera's old room and let Joy have the night to calm down if that is alright with you." Patricia offered. Trudy looked at me in a questioning way. "Do you want that dear?" I shrugged. "Well would you like some time alone." I nodded weakly. Patricia stood up and pulled her robe tight to her body. Yawning she grabbed a blanket and left the room. "Okay Well as long as you're feeling better now Joy me and Jerome will leave." I shook my head and Trudy stopped. "Do you want me to stay?" Trudy asked.  
"Trudy can Jerome stay. "Trudy looked between us hesitant but sighed giving in.  
"Only this one night. Door stays open and I expect you gone before anyone wakes up tomorrow. I will be in to check on you two." She turned and walked out.  
"You don't mind staying with me do you?" I asked timidly  
"Never." Jerome commented grabbing a pillow and sitting on the floor he grabbed me hand and leaned against the bed. "Thank you." I whispered.  
"Always." He smiled

"Joy it is time to get ready for school." I looked up to see Patricia leaning over me I yawned and looked over towards the floor. Jerome wasn't there but his pillow was and so was my out reached hand he'd been holding only hours before. "Okay, thanks."  
I hurried down to breakfast and sat in my usual seat next to Jerome and smiled at him. "So guys can you believe the dance is tomorrow night! Whose parents are coming this weekend for the feast?" Amber blabbed on. I rolled my eyes and looked down at my unappealing breakfast. Was daddy coming to the feast or did he have a business meeting? The school provided a small feast for the parents and students before we all went home for a two week holiday. "Joy, Joyful." I looked up as I suddenly heard my name being said.  
"Huh?" I asked  
"Amber asked you if your dad was coming." Jerome repeated for Amber. I shrugged and she continued on as her perky little self.

I was walking down the hall after the bell rang signaling lunch I was supposed to be meeting Jerome at Hall A but I had been held after class and was running a little off schedule. "Joyful, what took you so long?" Jerome questioned as I showed up five minutes late looking a little disheveled. "Mrs. Hicks had to talk to me about an assignment." Jerome nodded.  
"So what was I meeting you here for?" I asked Jerome laughed and covered my eyes. "You will see." I walked along letting Jerome lead me. I couldn't help remember Marcus covering my eyes on our first date. Though I told myself this was different. "Okay ready?" I nodded. Jerome uncovered my eyes and I looked around we were in the school garden. Jerome handed over a brown paper bag. "Trudy packed lunch." I laughed and looked at the black ink on the bag that read "Joy." "Very Posh if I do say so myself." I chuckled and watched Jerome sit down. I moved to sit next to him but tripped falling into his lap. "Whoa There." I began to blush and moved to remove myself from his lap but he kept me planted. "Would you like to enjoy the best seat in the house?" I laughed and hit his arm playfully.  
"Thank you my kind sir." I looked up at Jerome and our eyes met briefly.  
"So you going to eat your lunch?" Jerome questioned.  
"EH I think I will save it for later I'm not in the mood." Jerome looked at my curiously but nodded. "Has Nicola been bothering you lately?" I shook my head.  
"Just comments nothing as bad as beating the shit out of me in an alley though." I commented.  
"Well then um are you ready for the dance tomorrow?" Jerome asked I nodded and slowly nuzzled into his chest and closed my eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

All Anubis girls were all piled into Amber and Nina's room doing their hair and makeup while listening to girly cliché Christmas music. An exception though to Patricia who was still in on the fun but listening to her own music with her headphones over her ears. I walked in uncomfortably and sat on Amber's bed. At first I was unsure if my presence was known but as all heads slowly turned to me I was shown otherwise. "Joy did you want to join?" Patricia asked. I nodded gazing off at the wall. Why did I do this I should've gotten ready on my own, I felt panic nip at my gut. "Um actually I came to ask if anyone had good concealer." I improvised and looked over at the rest of the girls. Amber sighed and turned around towards her mirror flipping her hair. Patricia grabbed a small basket of what looked like hair and makeup products and stood up. "Come on Joy let's go get ready in your room." I stood up slowly and followed her as she walked out shocked. "Um Thanks Trixie." I muttered walking into our room. "No problem your music was a little too much and don't get me started on their gossip." Patricia replied as she sat down on her own bed and turned her music back on and resumed to doing her eyeliner. I sat down at my small desk and turned on my light and faced my mirror to myself. My face was still black and blue and now a little yellow with healing and scabbed over. My eye still blind and my one ear still deaf. I applied black eyeliner to my water line and tight line with stick eyeliner and a wing with liquid. I didn't know what else I could do with makeup I didn't want to go through the pain of putting makeup on my face. I sighed and brushed my straight hair and turned on my curling iron. I peeked back at Patricia who was teasing her hair. After finishing my hair I pinned my bangs back into a puff. Before putting on my dress I covered my one good wrist with bracelets covering my fresh cuts and old scars. I pulled on my dress and had Patricia zip up the back. "Nice bracelets." Patricia commented I nodded a thank you. I pulled a white cardigan out of my closet and pulled it on. Turning around I saw Patricia fully dressed in a tight dark green long sleeve dress, with her hair straight and bangs pinned back like mine. "You look beautiful Trix." I complimented putting on a pair of black heels. Patricia and I walked down the steps together to see the others had already begun taking photos. "Guys has Mat stopped by?" Patricia broke from my side and joined the rest of the house, and the moment where I felt I had actually had a friend I felt lonely again and lonelier then before. Jerome walked up to me and wrapped his arm around me and whispered. "You look beautiful Joyful." I smiled and looked up at him and kissed him on the cheek. "Okay come dearies you two step together." I looked up to see Trudy with her camera. I stepped in front of Jerome and he wrapped his arms around me. I felt his eyes on my and looked up he was smiling down I smiled back. "You two are lovely." Trudy gushed as she snapped the photo. "Ready?"

Jerome sat at the table next to me and we sat chatting up small talk. "Okay Students we are handing out all the names for snow king and Queen please put a check by the name of the couple you want and we will come pick them up. Nicola walked by and placed two papers in front of me and Jerome and walked away making an effort to step on my toe. I looked down at the names Nicola and Marcus, Ethan and Clary, Joy and Jerome, "Wait." I spoke looking up at Jerome. "Since when did we get nominated?" I asked Jerome shrugged. "Who do we vote for?" I question shocked.  
"Ourselves of course." Jerome laughed checking our names.  
"Can we do that?" I giggle  
"Who says we can't" Jerome shrugged and reached over checking our name. Marcus walked by holding a basket and Jerome threw the papers in as Marcus sneered at me. "Would you care to dance?" Jerome asked reaching out his hand. I nodded grasping his hand as we walked out to the dance floor. The instrumental to let it snow was playing as Jerome pulled my body close to his and wrapped his arms around my lower back and placed mine on his shoulders. "You're almost too short for this." Jerome commented I laughed and nodded  
"I know the heels don't offer much either." Jerome reached under my arms and picked me up with ease and swung me around. I shrieked with laughter as I swung and Jerome slowed down and gently placed me back on the ground. He leaned down and I stood on my tiptoes and we leaned in and his lips brushed mine I smiled as wide as I had in a long time. "Students and Teachers it is now time to announce this years Snow King and Snow Queen." Jerome pulled me close and I leaned my head on his chest. "Roasie pulled out red envelope and pulled out a small card." This year's Snow King and Snow Queen is Joy Mercer and Jerome Clarke." I smiled wide as Jerome pushed me towards the stage. I walked up the steps hand in hand with Jerome. Isis smiled and placed a crown on Jerome and my heads. Claps erupted from the crowd and I smiled as Jerome gave me a small kiss. The claps stopped abruptly and I heard the room grow silence I looked up and watched as water splashed down on me. I flung water off my hands and looked up at a shocked Jerome I looked at the crowd who broke out in laughter. The water hid my tears that quickly came from my eyes. I turned to get off the stage but the sound of a scream stopped me. The stage screen that had been showing school photos was now screening the fight I had been in with Nicola and her group. "Oh my god!" I screeched looking at it. Students and teachers all in to in the fight gasping when a punch was thrown and laughing at my weakness of not hitting back. "Stop!" I yelled but no one paid attention. I ran off the stage and outside of the gym and into the hallways. "Joy! Joyful stop come on!" Jerome yelled chasing after me. He grabbed my shoulders and held me tight. "Let me go you used me! You just wanted to make a fool out of me!" I screamed pushing him back. "I can't believe you!" I sobbed hitting Jerome in the face I turned on my heel and ran. I busted threw the door and kicked off my heels in the snow and picked them up running barefoot. I welcomed the burning sensation on my feet craving the pain. I chocked on the cold air wiping my tears away. How could everyone plot against me why would my friends do this! I ran into the house and dashed straight to the bathroom. I pulled down my cardigan and ripped off the bracelets letting them clatter to the ground. I pulled out the wonky tile on the bottom of the wall wear many blades were hidden. I pulled one out and replaced the tile and without a thought I cut open my skin. A slice over and over blood pouring out of the wound. I pulled off the crown and tossed it to the ground. A knock at the door made me look up for a second. "Joy Dear why don't you come out and I can make you some tea." I stood up and pressed the lock in loudly letting Trudy know I would not be coming out.

I woke up the next morning feeling weak and groggy. I gripped the counter above me and stood up. Just a glance at my reflection made me feel even worse. My dress was wrinkled my makeup smeared down my swollen face. My hair was a mixture of curly and straight but full mess of frizz. I brushed threw it with a brush on the counter and slowly the events of last night flooded back I looked down at my wrist which surprisingly was not dried up but in fact still slightly bleeding. I grabbed gauze and wrapped it tight. My appearance was still a mess so I resulted in washing my face and wetting my hair. I picked up all my discarded jewelry and my cardigan. I slowly unlocked the door and walked out making a dash to my room. I snuck into my room and looked around Patricia and Mara were fast asleep. I threw all my stuff on to the dresser and moved to my bed and climbed in. Glancing at the Alarm clock I knew I'd have to get up soon but sleeping on a bathroom floor was kind of tiring.  
I woke up to see all the bed around me empty I jumped up looking at the clock. I had ten minutes till parents would be showing up and five minutes till I was due in the kitchen downstairs. I pulled the covers back and pulled on my pink sweatpants some black boots and my black sweatshirt I put the straight iron on my hair quickly and ran down the steps. "You are late Joy." Trudy smiled I nodded and leaned over the counter. "Everyone already left to the school with their parents." I looked down.  
"So guess that means my dad isn't coming." I sighed  
"Dear your father couldn't make it but I did." I turned to see my maid Olive. I ran and engulfed her into a hug. Ever since my mum had died Olive had been there for my Dad and I. "Dear let's get you down to that feast and let's get on our way. I looked over at Trudy who was watching. "Can't we just leave early?" I asked. Olive frowned "Why is that though?" I gave a big smile and hugged Olive again. "I just can't wait to go home I've missed you so much!" Olive smiled and pulled apart. "Are you sure Joy?" I nodded. I turned around and saw Jerome helping Trudy had he been there the whole time. "Joy you should stay Trudy and I were saving you a seat." I smiled at Olive before waling over and muttering under my breath "So you can make a fool of me again I think not." I walked back to Olive and smiled.  
"I will go get my bag." 


	8. Chapter 8

I stabbed the turkey and moved it around with my fork. "Come on Joy I thought you enjoyed my cooking." Olive said brushing back her red greying hair behind her hair. I gave a weak smile and shrugged. "Olive it's amazing like usual." Olive sighed rubbed my back.  
"I know you wanted your father here but he is busy Joy. I'm sorry dear." I nodded and put down my fork. "I think I am done now Olive." She nodded and removed the meal in front of me. "Would you like to open your gifts like we usually do?" Olive asked. I looked up and shrugged. "I think I will just go to sleep Olive. Thank you for my meal and I hope you had a nice Christmas Eve." Olive nodded and watched me walk up the steps.  
"I will be in later to say goodnight." I smiled and continued walking. When I walked up I walked into my room and the sight made me break a little more inside. My room was big and light pink. The same color my mum had painted it sixteen years ago. Christmas lights strung around the top of the wall with a whole wall covered in photos. My room was filled with things many teenagers wanted. Like flat screen TV and a large desktop computer and a laptop. I had many things but the truth was I would trade it all for my Mum back and for my dad to actually be around. My mum died of a sudden tragedy back when I was four. Hit by a drunk driver died on impact. I was in the car but I was lucky. After two long years of my dad being a drunk Olive came along and forced dad into a rehab facility. Things got better from then on. Olive took a role as a mother but it wasn't the same. When dad came back he was happy and he apologized and he got a new job, a good job. It paid well but he was gone a lot and he and Olive found it best to send me to Anubis around age eleven. Over the years Dad bought me many things I guess he thought it made up for not being here. I sat on my bed and tried to clear the thoughts of my past. I rolled over and lit the candle Peppermint Penguins on my bed side table. Patricia had bought it for me ever since we met each Christmas I would have one to bring home and use it all year long. I stood up and grabbed my laptop and sat at my window sill and opened it up to internet. I opened up my email to see if dad at least emailed me but I got nothing. A beep came from my computer and an email popped up. Thinking it was dad my heart began racing smiling I opened it up. It was anonymous. I clicked on the link where I was lead to YouTube (I do not own). Panic filled my body as the video of me getting beat up filled the screen I looked at the views already two thousand views. I rolled down skimming the comments.  
Bitch deserved it  
Joy is such a slut  
Is that the girl who fucked the guy in the theatre?  
Whoa Sexy much!  
Eww she deserved it  
What a shame she's in Anubis  
Hey that's the slut from the theatre right?  
Cough* Slut

My eyes brimmed with tears as I turned away from the laptop. "Oh my god." I stood up and began pacing. Everyone has seen the video now. What if dad saw it? All the thoughts ran through my head and the comments echoing through my brain "Oh my god." I sat down and pulled at my hair ripping it out. "Joy I brought you some Hot cocoa." I opened the door and quickly took it kissing Olive on the cheek "Thank you." I gave a weak smile.  
"Good night dear." A thought entered my mind and I looked down.  
"Goodbye." I whispered she gave me a funny look but walked off. I gently closed the door. I felt no pain I felt numb, and that was worse. I set down the mug and I walked to the bag I had brought home from Anubis. I opened it slowly and grabbed my makeup bag where all my razors were. I grabbed one and retreated back to the bed. I looked up at the ceiling where I had a photo of me, my mum, and dad. "Here I come mum." I pulled my nightgown sleeves up and sliced furiously at my wrist. I watched as blood flooded out. It poured and I felt my head already become a little light. I moved on to the next arm and cut above my cast all up to my shoulder. Blood was pouring down to my covers and I felt bad knowing Olive would be cleaning this mess. I pulled my nightgown up at my thighs and cut long jagged quick lines and leaned back watching the room spin.


End file.
